Made Whole

Made Whole

Ihave lived much of my life with anxiety and depression; however, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my 30’s. When that happened, I felt like all the pieces snapped into place. In an instant, it was clear why I took school so seriously, why worry tended to take over my thoughts even with the most menial things, why I struggled with a complete lack of confidence in my talents. My thoughts would often warp, deform, and spiral into repeating distortions.

Lord, thank you for accepting us for who we are, flaws and all. You find the most beautiful and unique ways to be heard and felt. Use Your glory to find ways to touch and guide others who may be lost or haven’t found their path yet.

I have also always been musically inclined. I’ve played many instruments, sang in various choruses and with friends who are in the music industry. I’m drawn to music. I think part of that is the certainty I experience when I hear it. I know that God exists when I hear music. Everything stills in my brain. It’s almost as if a ship comes out of a raging hurricane instantly into calm waters. There are no thoughts about bills, no worries about a family member or loved one’s health, and no irrational thoughts of what others think of me being single and childless at 41. My mind doesn’t wander, and everything seems to melt away. My heart slows, my breathing becomes fuller and more controlled, and I feel a “whoosh” of tranquility wash from my head, down my extremities, and out. I am enveloped by His serenity; strengthened and revived. Through music, He makes me whole instead of a fractured, jumbled mess.

The same God that designed me, knowing the mental struggles I would face, hears me and feels my praise when I sing to Him. And He always responds. Through music He says: “Quiet, daughter, I’ve got you. Take a breath. Let it go.”